Have you ever had a moment where you did something with your child and right afterwards, you sat down and a moment from your own childhood started to play that wasn't exactly positive? I just had that moment. My son came into my office as I am sitting here intensely trying to unlock severe writer's block and trying to find anything online to move me forward. He asked me to come with him. I asked him if it was important because I was trying to work. He told me it was game related so it was not important and he didn't even wait for me to get to the end of my sentence before he said it and started to walk away. When I originally asked my son if it was important, the never ending truth that everything about him and what he enjoyed was and will and should always be important, should have been evident to me first and I knew that as the glancing blow of guilt grazed across my nose when I first said it to him. At some level, I knew that it was the wrong thing to say, but the driven part of me that supports the same son as well as my whole family came out as the victor in the battle of the internal wills.
I still went to see what he wanted me to see, because the guilt was motivating, but my response remained in my work and in getting back to it as fast as I could, so my responses to him were less than interested. I did go back to my, for today, non productive chair and started to scroll through the landing page website I was studying. Suddenly, I was 10 and my dad was just home from a 14 hour day of work and I tried to ask something and got pushed aside. Not physically as my dad did not ever become physical. Not even maliciously, because there was never a more hard working man committed to taking care of his family, but still enough that you knew that his head was still in work and the problems of the day and what you had to say could not be as important at the moment. So I sat in that millisecond of a moment and started to feel ill. I had done the same thing to my son in that moment and now he was sitting there feeling unimportant and certainly less important than my work.
Yes I am human and yes I know that we all do it from time to time, but I was not going to be that kind of parent. It was time to prioritize the right way. So I got up and walked over to him and told him out loud that I was sorry for acting that way and that what was important to him IS always important to me and I am interested in what he likes to do and that he should show me and not be worried about coming to show me things, even when I am working. I kissed him on the head, told him I love him and he said he understood. I went back to work in my office and my writer's block lifted like a foggy morning goes away in the light of the sun. I had taken a ghost of the past and righted it for me and for him.
The moral of the story for you and for me: there is never a moment lost that you cannot get back by doing the right thing and saying the right words. The kids come first and with that, the creativity will follow. Our kids are my life force.
Now get up from your addictive screen and go hug and kiss your kids!
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