It's that time of year again and while parents breathe a sigh of relief and kids grit their teeth, many parents know that their kid's processing skills are not up to where they need to be so that relief might soon be gritting teeth as well. No matter what the age of the child or what the school level, if the processing skills are not working well, the learning will not either whether in a classroom, 1 on 1 at home or in tutoring. Here is a question I took from parents who had spent a long time trying to help their child and their child was still having problems. Maybe it helps you or someone you know...
Forgotten Homework Assignments Can Be Much More Than a Learning Problem but Not Always ADHD
Hi Dr. Singer,
We have our son enrolled in a learning program that we like very much for some reasons. The only problem is that although we have been enrolled for almost a year now, as of the end of the school year, many of the original symptoms we came for have not gone away. These are things like our child not handing in homework, forgetting assignments, not studying for tests more than a few minutes. We are having to do his homework with him on a regular basis. While we like some of the material the program uses, we wondered if something might be being missed here since symptoms are still existing. How do we know? Y.T.
Hi Y.T.,
I will give you my thoughts, but since I don't know what style of learning program you are in, I cannot be specific with you about what is exactly occurring there. Also, I cannot speak to what other companies do with learning skills. I can only speak to what I know and what I do. With that said, I will focus on 3 areas: Is the program targeted to what the child's needs really are? Does the program look at more than just learning? Is what you are seeing in your child truly a learning problem or a problem of bad habits?
Regarding the targeting of a program to a symptom, you must distinguish what type of problem your child is having. Is it something that requires processing help, learning/academic help or tutoring help. These are 3 very different approaches that can be seen as layers. The foundation layer is processing. This is what I work with. That would be issues like memory, multi-tasking or the ability to handle multiple levels of information at once, focus and concentration, auditory and visual processing, and processing speed. Without this foundation level working correctly, targeting learning or academic skills alone will, more than likely, have no real success.
Learning/academic skills would be the next level up and that would be things like Math, Reading, Science, etc. These problems are usually dealt with in Learning Disability services or private LD services. If the foundation skills are o.k., then this type of help would be fine. You would know this based on results. If you are seeing improvement, you know that you are working at the right level.
Even further up the scale would be Tutoring. Tutoring could also help academic areas but can also help organizational skills too. All 3 kinds of help are good, but if you start at the wrong level for your child, it can take longer and be less successful. For example, if your child has a processing problem with focus or memory, help with Math won't stick too well until his focus and memory have been corrected first. To find out the right place to start involves evaluating those weak skills to see exactly where the problem lies.
There are many programs out there to choose from when it comes to a child's learning skills. Again, I cannot speak to what others do or do not do, but I can tell you that in a good 99% of the kids I see, things like forgetting homework, not studying and forgetting assignments are very common. I see a part of this as a processing issue and another part I view as behavioral patterns or defense mechanisms that get set up early on and become bad habits that continue unless targeted and changed. Therefore, when I work with a child, we don't just look at processing or just look at learning skills. We look at and change all the basic layers of the child meaning, processing, behavior, and motivation. Human beings are multi-level beings, not one dimensional. My experience has told me that when you focus on one area at the expense of others, you will continue to see symptoms that grow stronger with time.
Let's talk about motivation for a second. Anyone who knows kids knows that they don't always want to do work laid out for them. They can be very creative at finding ways to get out of it. In the old days when a kid tried to get out of doing work by forgetting assignments, adults made the kid do the assignment for no credit and do some sort of punishment so it didn't happen again. Nowadays, very unfortunately, many adults search for a label to place on the kid. The label itself isn't the problem. It's when people stop at the label and don't try to get beyond it, that the child can lose a lot.
Kids don't do work for 2 reasons. First, if something doesn't feel good about facing it, they don't. If they don't have the basic underlying skills, all work will feel a lot harder than it needs to and they will avoid it. This is just common sense. Also, no matter how much some adults will not want to hear this, sometimes, it's just that they don't want to do the work. Period. They are kids. Kids will do that. Adults that allow the challenge to go away completely, in the name of soothing feelings, hurt the child. Adults that figure out the root cause and help the child take it on, help the child. It's that simple.
When a child is able to get out of work for long periods of time, it becomes a bad habit and when it continues for long enough, it can become a way of life. It is always changeable, but it first takes a change in the philosophy of the adults around the child. Then it takes consistent training of the opposite behaviors and skills to get these kids to do what they have to do.
If you are still seeing symptoms after a year of working with this group, I would tell you to either tell them that you want to see some results or you need to look elsewhere. To me, a year is too long to see no improvement. Your child clearly has some behavioral patterns working against him and you need to be in treatment that addresses those as well. Be careful though. I believe that treatment that just has the child talk to someone is not indicated in the case of behavioral habits as you have described. A "moan and groan" session once a week will not make those patterns go away. Parents need to be worked with to learn strategies to change the habits and motivate this child correctly so he can do what is required of him without constant supervision.
If you do decide to stay with the program you are in, you should also investigate working with the behavioral part in tandem with what you are doing there. It will, more than likely, make your experience there become more successful. Let me know if you need help.
You went to school already. You did your homework. You don't need to be doing it again. Learn how to motivate your child to do his own so all of you can feel better about the child's success and your relationship.
We have our son enrolled in a learning program that we like very much for some reasons. The only problem is that although we have been enrolled for almost a year now, as of the end of the school year, many of the original symptoms we came for have not gone away. These are things like our child not handing in homework, forgetting assignments, not studying for tests more than a few minutes. We are having to do his homework with him on a regular basis. While we like some of the material the program uses, we wondered if something might be being missed here since symptoms are still existing. How do we know? Y.T.
Hi Y.T.,
I will give you my thoughts, but since I don't know what style of learning program you are in, I cannot be specific with you about what is exactly occurring there. Also, I cannot speak to what other companies do with learning skills. I can only speak to what I know and what I do. With that said, I will focus on 3 areas: Is the program targeted to what the child's needs really are? Does the program look at more than just learning? Is what you are seeing in your child truly a learning problem or a problem of bad habits?
Regarding the targeting of a program to a symptom, you must distinguish what type of problem your child is having. Is it something that requires processing help, learning/academic help or tutoring help. These are 3 very different approaches that can be seen as layers. The foundation layer is processing. This is what I work with. That would be issues like memory, multi-tasking or the ability to handle multiple levels of information at once, focus and concentration, auditory and visual processing, and processing speed. Without this foundation level working correctly, targeting learning or academic skills alone will, more than likely, have no real success.
Learning/academic skills would be the next level up and that would be things like Math, Reading, Science, etc. These problems are usually dealt with in Learning Disability services or private LD services. If the foundation skills are o.k., then this type of help would be fine. You would know this based on results. If you are seeing improvement, you know that you are working at the right level.
Even further up the scale would be Tutoring. Tutoring could also help academic areas but can also help organizational skills too. All 3 kinds of help are good, but if you start at the wrong level for your child, it can take longer and be less successful. For example, if your child has a processing problem with focus or memory, help with Math won't stick too well until his focus and memory have been corrected first. To find out the right place to start involves evaluating those weak skills to see exactly where the problem lies.
There are many programs out there to choose from when it comes to a child's learning skills. Again, I cannot speak to what others do or do not do, but I can tell you that in a good 99% of the kids I see, things like forgetting homework, not studying and forgetting assignments are very common. I see a part of this as a processing issue and another part I view as behavioral patterns or defense mechanisms that get set up early on and become bad habits that continue unless targeted and changed. Therefore, when I work with a child, we don't just look at processing or just look at learning skills. We look at and change all the basic layers of the child meaning, processing, behavior, and motivation. Human beings are multi-level beings, not one dimensional. My experience has told me that when you focus on one area at the expense of others, you will continue to see symptoms that grow stronger with time.
Let's talk about motivation for a second. Anyone who knows kids knows that they don't always want to do work laid out for them. They can be very creative at finding ways to get out of it. In the old days when a kid tried to get out of doing work by forgetting assignments, adults made the kid do the assignment for no credit and do some sort of punishment so it didn't happen again. Nowadays, very unfortunately, many adults search for a label to place on the kid. The label itself isn't the problem. It's when people stop at the label and don't try to get beyond it, that the child can lose a lot.
Kids don't do work for 2 reasons. First, if something doesn't feel good about facing it, they don't. If they don't have the basic underlying skills, all work will feel a lot harder than it needs to and they will avoid it. This is just common sense. Also, no matter how much some adults will not want to hear this, sometimes, it's just that they don't want to do the work. Period. They are kids. Kids will do that. Adults that allow the challenge to go away completely, in the name of soothing feelings, hurt the child. Adults that figure out the root cause and help the child take it on, help the child. It's that simple.
When a child is able to get out of work for long periods of time, it becomes a bad habit and when it continues for long enough, it can become a way of life. It is always changeable, but it first takes a change in the philosophy of the adults around the child. Then it takes consistent training of the opposite behaviors and skills to get these kids to do what they have to do.
If you are still seeing symptoms after a year of working with this group, I would tell you to either tell them that you want to see some results or you need to look elsewhere. To me, a year is too long to see no improvement. Your child clearly has some behavioral patterns working against him and you need to be in treatment that addresses those as well. Be careful though. I believe that treatment that just has the child talk to someone is not indicated in the case of behavioral habits as you have described. A "moan and groan" session once a week will not make those patterns go away. Parents need to be worked with to learn strategies to change the habits and motivate this child correctly so he can do what is required of him without constant supervision.
If you do decide to stay with the program you are in, you should also investigate working with the behavioral part in tandem with what you are doing there. It will, more than likely, make your experience there become more successful. Let me know if you need help.
You went to school already. You did your homework. You don't need to be doing it again. Learn how to motivate your child to do his own so all of you can feel better about the child's success and your relationship.
HELP FROM HOME
Dr. Singer's areas of expertise involve cognitive ways of helping parents with child motivation, processing skills, learning and homework improvement, behavior prevention as well as processing based brain training. She does not work with severe Psychological conditions or people with serious Psychological issues. If you feel you have those kinds of issues, you can let Dr. Singer know and she will make appropriate referrals for you to get the type of expert and help you need. If anyone viewing this site or any other of Dr. Singer's social media pages feels suicidal, self destructive or like they could harm someone else, or they know someone in that situation, they need to get themselves or the other person to an emergency room and/or call 911 immediately for help.